On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize