If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize