.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
and she was petting her beer can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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