you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
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Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
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Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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