She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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