You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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