I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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