So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize