I want to walk on stilts...naked
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
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you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
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We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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