so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
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We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We don't watch enough power rangers
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At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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