i think my tv is drunk
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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