I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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