wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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