I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize