i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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