I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
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I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We were destined to go to rehab together
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I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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