Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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