I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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