how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
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I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
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They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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