So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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