piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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