i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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