Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize