one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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