It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
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Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
that is very illegal...i love you.
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