I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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