Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
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They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
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I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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