Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize