Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize