Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
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I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize