I cannot find my penis.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
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You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
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Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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