Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
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No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
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There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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