She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
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i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
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Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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