i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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