i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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