I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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