We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
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So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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