How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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