Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize