How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize