Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
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sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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