So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
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The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
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I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize