I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize