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i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
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