I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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