All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize