Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize