You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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