i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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