Christians are straight up FREAKS
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
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Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
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I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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